In Between Writer's Blocks
by mrs.whitlock-hale
Summary: Ever wonder what happened to the characters when Stephenie Meyer wasn't updating the books? Not what you would think, probably! Rated T for language, drugs, emoness, sexual insinuations, and overhyperness.
1. Chapter 1

1 In Between Writer's Blocks

(Keyboard clicking suddenly stops, another writer's block begins.)

Carlisle straightens up from his desk, and announced that it was once again, a writer's block. Everyone sighs and in relief.

"Finally! We get to take a break!" said Rosalie.

"Why? Is your corner missing you?" snapped Alice.

"Hahaha! I get it!" laughed Bella,"Corner! You're a whore Rose!"

Esme scoffs and lights a cigarette. After a puff, she mutters to herself,

"And I'm the mother figure why?"

Edward slides close to Bella, " Hey babe , wanna go upstairs?" He asked seductively.

"Urg. Not on your life you pig!" Says Bella, turning away.

"Oooh, Edwward, I'll take you up on that Edward." calls Rosalie.

"Over my dead body bitch!" screams Bella, suddenly protective of Edward. Bella slapped Rosalie, causing catfight. Emmett backs into a corner, and says to himself,

"My life is an endless pit of despair, and to top it off, my wife just offered to screw my brother." Emmett silently began to try to cut himself, acheiving nothing, considering that he had no blood, and the knife couldn't cut his hard skin. Then he burst into tearless sobs. Then, Victoria bounced right over next him.

"Hey Emmy!" she said cheerfully.

"Leave me alone!" Emmett sobbed, turning away. That didn't curb Victoria's enthusiasm, she suddenly started singing "If You're Happy and You

Know It." Much to the distress of our little emo. Alice was sitting on the couch seething, apparently Jasper was being stupid. He was seated next

to her, asking random questions. First, he tried why, then what, then who, afterwards screaming, "Really? I had no idea!" That was too much for

Alice, she put Jasper into a headlock and screamed profanities at him. Making Bella laugh at how her words could be twisted. Unfortunately for

Bella, when she got distracted, Rosalie took advantage of it and punched Bella in the stomach. The chaos continued, with Edward watching the

catfight intently, Emmett dry-sobbing, Victoria singing loudly, Jasper being strangled by Alice, Esme puffing away, and Carlisle watching them all in

snobbish disgust. Then, the keyboard came back to life again. Everyone dropped what they were doing, and resumed the story like nothing

happened. Victoria goes back to the forest, Edward and Bella go to their room, Emmett and Rosalie go off to the garage, Carlisle goes back to his

study, Esme out to her garden, and Jasper sits in his easychair with Alice on his lap. All will continue like normal, until the next writer's block....


	2. Jasper is an idiot

1 Jasper is an idiot

(The following is from Eclipse)

"_Wait, wait," I tried to say around my lips._

"_Not for me_," _he murmured in disagreement._

"_Please?" I gasped._

(Keyboard stops)

"Writer's block!" Carlisle calls, Bella sits up quickly and pushes Edward off of her.

"Pig" she mutters as she stalks away from him. Suddenly, Alice rushes over to Bella, with Jasper on her tail.

"Why did you refuse Bella?" she asked, " You could have gotten laid!"

Before Bella could answer, Jasper interrupted.

"Wow Aly, I thought you would have seen that!"

Alice turned to face Jasper, giving him an icy glare.

"Jasper, I don't _see _shit!" she snapped. Jasper shrank back like a child being scolded.

"But you're psychic.." he said in a tiny voice.

"Jasper, I don't see the future! It's a freaking fictional book!" Alice screamed at him.

"But-"

"NO!!" Alice shouted in his face. Jasper stood there, then his face seemed to shatter.

"WAH!!" Jasper wailed, running away. Alice was swearing under her breath, but followed him and dragged him back.

"So we're not really vampires?" asked Jasper, dashing off again before Alice could answer. Everyone followed Jasper and found him eating human food.

"Umm, Jasper, we really are vegetarian vampires." said Alice. Jasper swallowed what he was chewing, and his eye went wide. He started making choking noises.

"No wonder it all tasted like dirt!" he exclaimed. Alice groaned.

"Idiot" she muttered.

"You know that food has to come back up somehow." stated Edward.

"Urg..Not on me." said Carlisle snobbishly. Amazingly, Jasper's eyes got even wider.

"Everyone scatter!" yelled Edward, scrambling backwards. Everyone dashed away from Jasper, who looked like he was about to puke. Then he did.

"Ohh...." Jasper groaned. Carlisle wrinkled his nose. Esme rolled her eyes and lit up a cigarette. Emmett sat in the shadow of a tree and tried to cut himself. Again. Rosalie looked at herself in the mirror. Edward tried to get his arm around Bella, who kept stopping him. Jasper looked at Alice with big golden eyes.

"Aly, I don't feel so good." he said quietly. Alice raised an eyebrow.

"Gosh, I wonder why." she said sarcastically.

"Aly, can you hold me?" Jasper asked, reaching for Alice, a note of plea in his voice. Alice raised her eyebrows so high, they were in danger of disappearing into her choppy bangs. She slowly sank to the ground and allowed Jasper to lay his head on her lap. Jasper wrapped one arm around her waist. Alice pursed her lips,

"Don't get carried away Jasper." Before Jasper could respond, the keyboard started up again, and everything went back to normal, and Alice lovingly kissed Jasper on his forehead.

"I love you Aly."

"I love you too Jaz."


End file.
